Why Expatriating with Kids Is Not Just About Finding a Good School
Are you working for an international, military, missionary or diplomatic organization? Or maybe you are simply a citizen of the world traveling from one country to another year after year?
Then chances are you have or will have third culture kids (TCKs). According to sociologist David Pollock, “a third culture kid is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside their parents’ culture. The TCK builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership of any.”
The idea of having your child growing up as a TCK may first be pretty appealing to you. After all, not everyone can be proud of developing specific cross-cultural skills in addition to observational, social or linguistic ones. TCKs are 4 times more likely to earn a bachelor’s degree, they are more mature, more welcoming… We can keep on listing benefits for hours. But too often we forget that challenges are huge too. 90% of TCKs don’t feel in sync with their peers. They don’t understand the average American as well as other peoples. And last but not least, risks of depression and suicide thoughts and attempts are higher for TCKs.
In fact it’s just recently that organizations started to take into account the challenges of returning home for these kids. Parents can now find help to build strong foundations for their kids, to deal with transitions, meet educational needs, and manage re-entry to the country.
A first step could be to read “According to my passport I’m coming home“, a guide from the US Family Liaison Office, or to visit the resourceful website of TCKID, an unincorporated non-profit organization and active community for TCKs, Adult Third Culture Kids (ATCKs), and Cross Cultural individuals. With this you can be aware of what challenges you and your kids will have to face and be positive about your kids future. After all, one of the world most famous adult TCK happens to be the US president!
Very interesting article …I wonder why I feel like a TCK … I hope I don’t get suffer too much from the side effects 😉
Very interesting article. I am raising three expat children, only one of which, the eldest, is likely to return to the US. I notice the differences between my children and those that have been raised entirely in the states every time we make it back to visit Grandma. They are at first more outgoing and act just as they do here. After a few days, I see them withdrawing back to each others company as the other children just don’t “get” them. They also REFUSE to speak Spanish in public after a few days. Fortunately, we have no plans to return to the US but I can see how those who choose to return have issues with their childrens’ transition.
Thanks for your interest!
Jeremie: Suffering from TCK side effects is good news remember? Social and linguistic skills, maturity… 🙂
Michele: It must be very interesting for you to see how your three kids are reacting. Do you see any evolution with age? Apparently young kids are living the experience like an expatriation: full of discoveries mixed with fears. Returning home seems a lot harder with teenagers.
Don’t do this to your children. Raise them in a single environment, jumping around has severe consequences on their psyche. I should know, I’m an only child TCK, I grew up confused and depressed, it didn’t help that my mother is a BPD korean native and my father was never around, I think of suicide every day, I have no motivation to even go outside. I don’t fit in anywhere, and a I have a deep seeded, dark resentment of my parents for killing me inside. If you do this to your children then you deserve the hottest spot in hell.
Dan, I can feel your pain. I really can. I was born in the USA to parents of two different foreign nationalities. They grew up in different countries, and both speak English with a foreign accent. Most of my life has been spent in the USA, where, up to a point, I considered myself American. I still do, but I’m gradually getting more and more disgusted with American culture. With the obesity, greed, lust, and gluttony in this country. It’s sickening. I also wrestle with thoughts of suicide daily. My “condition” has impaired my daily functioning and thought process. But seriously, I don’t think I’m messed up. I think everyone else is just blind. I can relate with other people up to a certain point. With most I can’t relate at all. I haven’t made any lasting friendships, any really deep, genuine, connections with any American so far.
Why not talk about the benefits of having connections to nonAmericans? Isn’t it nice to be able to feel connected to others if your nationality is unfavorable to your particular ethnicity? Does it matter if we are connected to Americans conforming to the American way or is it preferable to embrace other cultures that are more consistent with our personal values?