Conversation Starters
Making friends in a new place is always one of the biggest challenges for an expat. Even with excellent networking opportunities you still need to initiate the links that will develop into friendships, but how do you start a conversation with a stranger? Some people find this comes naturally, but for those who don’t here are a few tips that work in most cultures:
1. Smile
If you’re approachable, you will be approached. If you look pleasant people will want to spend time with you.
2. Look for commonality
If you are at dinner, comment on the food or the host: ‘I love this fish’ or ‘how is your dessert?’ or ‘how do you know the host?’ If you are waiting for a bus comment on the weather: ‘I didn’t expect it to rain today, I don’t have an umbrella!’ Comment, but don’t complain, even if they complain. Offer sympathy for their complaints but don’t join in.
3. Current Events
Read the local paper, stay up to date so you can speak with the locals about matters that interest them or are relevant to their lives. ‘I read there is a new road being built across the old pastureland—is that going to help, or will it just add more traffic to this side of town?’
4. More than yes or no
Ask questions that require more than yes or no to answer—and give more than a yes or no answer when asked questions. You don’t have to talk their ear off (please don’t, in fact), but if someone asks you a question and the simple answer is yes or no, add an extra sentence, or another question in return to keep the conversation going. They may be struggling as much as you!
5. Hobbies and Interests
In some countries asking what people do for a job when in a social setting is not polite. ‘How do you like to spend your free time?’ is much easier.
6. How local are they?
‘Have you lived here all your life?’ Will receive a yes or no answer, but usually if no, people will elaborate. If yes, you can continue the conversation by saying something like ‘you’re very lucky, it is beautiful—do you know any people who have moved away?’
If they aren’t locals but have moved into the area, ask what brought them there. Ask if they have any tips to a newcomer.
5. Get to know them a bit better
Ask questions to ascertain whether or not you would like to get to know them better—a mini interview. Depending on their answers to the questions below you can potentially expand conversation quite a distance.
‘What newspapers do you recommend’ will tell you their taste for news and perhaps political slant. ‘Are there any favourite local sports teams?’ will let you know if they are interested in sport. ‘Can you recommend a good place to buy women’s clothes?’ will let you see if they are interested in fashion, and if so what kind.
6. Ask for advice
Once you get to know their hobbies and interests you can then think of the ‘advice questions.’ If they are interested in wine, ask if there are any local varieties they would recommend. If they are interested in sport, ask if there is a good game to watch, or join. If they are interested in art ask about local galleries or courses. If you have commented on the weather and said you didn’t expect rain, ask if they can suggest a place to buy an umbrella.
7. React and respond
Act interested; no one wants to feel boring. If the person is trying to impress you with local statistics or information they find impressive, act impressed. If they are trying to be funny, laugh. If they think they are boring you they will not last long in conversation.
8. Close
If you are really enjoying the conversation and the other person clearly is as well, suggest you meet again for coffee—then ask for them to recommend a place!
Bonus Tip
If you really are bored, or the other person is not a welcome conversation companion, you can extricate yourself from the conversation by saying something along the lines of ‘excuse me, I can see my husband/wife/partner/friend/hostess is trying to get my attention. It was lovely to meet you, and how interesting to hear about the new shopping centre plans.’
Saying goodbye politely makes them feel better about the end of the conversation and will build your reputation as a nice, interesting person—good advertising for the next time you’re out socializing and trying to start a conversation!